


Breather

by kremlin



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Awkward Romance, F/M, Frenemies, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, Moonshine Ride, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kremlin/pseuds/kremlin
Summary: Cardan wants to take Jude for a ride, but, as usual, she is wary of his intentions.





	1. Chapter 1

“Come!”

Cardan tugged her along towards the stables, a frighteningly eager expression on his face. His coal eyes were alight with a sentiment Jude didn’t care delve too deep into and his face was twisted in a smug expression. Jude tried to struggle against the grip of his hand on her wrist, but for all the lack of proper training and despite how sorry a fighter he was, he was sure surprisingly strong.

“Tell me, where you are taking me, and I might consider coming with you,” she snarled, ramming her heels into the ground.

Cardan shot her a mocking glare over his shoulder and tugged harder, so she was careened forward and crushed into him. With heated cheeks, she glared up into his grinning face.

“Don’t you trust me, Jude?” he asked tauntingly. She simply raised her eyebrows at him.

Of course she didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust anyone, not after all the betrayal and backstabbing she had witnessed during the last couple of months. Well, she trusted Vivi to keep Oak safe. And she trusted the Court of Shadows and their services, as long as she met their demands and was able to pay them. But that was about it. She certainly didn’t trust the spoiled, cruel, lazy and entirely untrustworthy puppet king she had heaved onto the throne in her brother’s stead, not when she couldn’t even trust her own twin sister. So no, Jude didn’t trust Cardan. Not. One. Single. Bit!

Cardan’s grin faded the longer she kept silent, his face taking on a sullen look. He wordlessly turned around again and resumed walking, pulling her into the dim, cool interior of the royal stables. Faerie steeds nickered and neighed in greeting as they passed, a few curious heads appearing over the elaborately carved half doors of the boxes on either side of the aisle.

They stopped when they reached the box with Cardan’s dappled steed. It was already waiting outside its box for them, curried and saddled, ever-fresh flowers braided into its mane. The horse snorted and bowed his head, as if it was greeting them, and then nudged Cardan on the shoulder with his muzzle, nibbling the collar of his doublet with its velvety lips. Cardan let out a soft laugh and patted the steed affectionately. Jude stared at him with wide eyes and then hastily looked away, when a peculiar feeling bubbled in her stomach at the sight. Seeing Cardan laughing was entirely too strange for her to stomach.

“Where are you taking me, Cardan,” she repeated in an authoritative voice, crossing her arms in front of his chest. She could easily command him to tell her, but she hated doing so; forcing his will always left her feeling tainted, like an oily tang was coating her tongue and soul when she made him to do as she liked.

Cardan’s brows knitted together and he turned to her. “Riding.”

Jude glared at him. “And where would we be riding, pray tell?”

He let out an exasperated breath. “The hills, the forest - wherever else strikes your fancy.” He untied his horse and held out a hand to her. “Come.”

He wanted the two of them to ride on the same horse, Jude realized. She shook her head. “I’d prefer to ride by myself,” she declared. She would sooner take a knife to her heart before she spent the evening pressed against Cardan’s body, his arms wrapped around her or her arms around him. The thought alone had unease churn hotly in her gut.

Cardan’s coal eyes were bright with what she assumed was hate, glittering even in the dim interior of the stables. “If you don’t ride with me, I can’t make sure, you won’t escape!”

“I don’t like riding with other people. Especially not, when I’m a better rider than the other person,” Jude claimed with a challenging grin.

Cardan opened his mouth to snap back an answer, but no words came out and he closed his mouth again, growing red with anger. Jude’s grin widened. He couldn’t say anything against that, because it was the truth. She was the better rider between the two of them.

“I will follow you on my own horse, if you tell me, where we’re going.” Cardan shot her a pained look. Jude took a step closer. “Why won’t you tell me, where you want to take me. Is it an ambush? You plan to get rid of me in the woods, so you will be free of our bargain?”

Cardan huffed a breath and played with his steed’s reigns. “No, I do not plan to get rid of you in the woods,” he grumbled moodily.

“Do you plan to get rid of me anywhere else?” Jude implored. This damn faerie was way too clever with the way he phrased things. She better be thorough, or she’d end up dead in a ditch. She had no doubt that Cardan would love to be rid of her. The second she’d take her eyes off him, he’d probably flee the country and leave Elfhame to chaos and anarchy.

“I don’t plan to get rid of you – ever!” Cardan’s gaze was so intense, Jude had to look away, because the way he looked at her made her feel weird. The churning in her gut intensified.

“Why do I need to come with you?” she asked.

Cardan sighed. “It’s something, I can’t do without you. You must come with me, or there is no purpose to it.”

“Will it pose any danger to you or myself?” Jude couldn’t let it go. Cardan was reckless, uncaring, with no regard for his own safety. If anything happened to him – or her, for that matter – trouble ensued.

He fixed her with a hard, angry stare. “I am taking you for a ride in the woods. I want to show you something. Nothing more than that. I cannot promise there won’t be any danger, because I cannot promise things that lie outside my capabilities. You could fall off the horse. I could fall off the horse. The horse could stumble and we both fall off. Rebel bands might attack us during the ride. You might choke on a fly. You might die, because you’re having too much fun for once.” He grinned at her scowl. “But I promise, that I do not seek to harm you intentionally during this ride. Neither do I seek to harm myself.”

Jude stared at him for a good long while. And then she dropped her shoulders with a  
sigh. “Okay.”

Cardan blinked at her in surprise. “Okay, what?”

“Okay, I will ride with you.” She really didn’t know why she had given in. Maybe just because stealing a few hours for herself, albeit while suffering Cardan’s presence, sounded simply too good.

A slow smile started blooming on Cardan’s lips, flashing all his perfect, white teeth, before he managed to get his face under control again. The peculiar feeling in her stomach got stronger: a distinct fluttering against her diaphragm, like worms crawling. With a fake cough, Cardan hastily covered his mouth and turned to his steed, climbing into the saddle. And then he offered Jude a hand.

With a nasty glare, she took his hand and put one foot in the stirrups. But when she tried to move behind him, he intercepted her and pulled her into the saddle on front of him, her legs dangling off the horse on one side, instead of sitting astride. He had her sitting on the horse like an imbecile who didn’t know how to ride. Or a spoiled lady of the gentry on a jolly ride with her lover. Jude flushed with indignation.

But before she had the chance to protest, Cardan’s arms wrapped around her, holding her tight with one hand against her stomach, and he kicked the horse into movement. Jude had no chance but to lean back into Cardan’s chest and let him hold her, while she tried to maintain her balance while she grumbled under her breath.

“If I let you sit astride, you’d wrench the reigns from me the first chance you get,” he whispered amused, his lips brushing over the round shell of her human ear. Jude stayed silent, because even Cardan would’ve been able to tell she was lying, had she tried to deny his claim, and instead wretched his hand from her stomach, placing her own against her churning gut for a second.

By the feeling of it, the worms would be through her diaphragm soon.

* * *

 Once Jude had managed to overcome her frustration over not being the one riding and leaving Cardan in charge, the ride was actually pretty nice. The night was warm and the moon cast their surrounding in a soft, gentle light. Fat moths fluttered lazily around and owl hooted while they rode through the dark forest.

Jude loved riding horses as much as she loved flying on ragwort steeds and during the last couple of months, she had gotten to do neither of both. Her days were filled with trying to get the country running, trying to get Cardan to play along, and eliminating potential threats to him and Oak.

Madoc was eerily quiet lately, but Jude knew him. He was biding his time, waiting for an opportunity to open up for him. Balekin was still safely locked away, which didn’t mean, they didn’t have to observe him closely. There had already be attempts to break him out and there would be again as long as he lived, or as long as Cardan – and maybe later Oak – produced enough offspring for Balekin to dwindle into insignificance.

Jude hastily dismissed the thought of Cardan siring little horned or tailed faerie children and focused instead on their surroundings, scanning for potential threats. What did she care if Cardan made babies? Children were so rare amongst the faerie, he probably wouldn’t sire any in her lifetime, even if he tried. Except for when he took a mortal wife. Which of course he wouldn’t. Not when he hated mortals and thought them dispensable. But then again, he liked her to some capacity? Maybe he was considering -

An owl suddenly shooting across the path and under the hooves of their mount had the horse panic and rise, causing Jude to cry out and grab the first thing that she could get hold of - with unfortunately happened to be Cardan. With more grace than she thought he possessed, he quickly reigned in the dappled stallion.

“See? This I couldn’t have foreseen. Faerie is a dangerous place, Jude. Even on a joyride.” Cardan laughed, his eyes alight with wicked delight.

In that moment, Jude was again reminded of how different he was. He looked completely and utterly inhumane, a creature that reveled in mischief and scare and impish jolly. And how different she herself was from the humans that lived in the mortal world. Jude wanted to scowl at him, but instead, her face split into a broad grin. The rush of adrenaline in her system was a powerful drug, one, she had missed. She was sick of escaping danger - she wanted to thrive in it.

“Let me sit astride!” she demanded. “Let me sit astride, so we can ride properly. And then I want to see how fast your horse can go!”

Cardan’s answering smile was nothing short of wicked, a thing of villainous, cruel beauty. He let go of her and slipped out of the stirrups, so Jude could use them to maneuver herself into a different position in the saddle. Balancing with one leg in the stirrup, she hiked her dress up around her waist, not caring if Cardan saw her naked legs or her zebra print Target panties, and swung one leg over the horses back, settling into the saddle in front of Cardan.

Cardan’s hands brushed lightly over her naked thighs, when he reached around her to tie up the stirrups and the reigns so they wouldn’t hinder them and the horse, and then he placed his hands on her hips, pulling her more snuggly against him. Her backside connected perfectly with his hips as he leaned forward slightly. Jude told herself that the flutter in her stomach was because of the anticipation she had for the ride and not the feeling of him so close to her.

Leaning forward and consequently pushing her down in the process, his hands on her hips tightened as her own hands wound onto the dappled steed’s pretty mane. “I hope you’re in for a wild ride, my lady,” he huffed against her neck.

And then he kicked the horse from stand into a gallop and they were off, racing over the moonlit stretch of forest before them and the hills beyond. Jude’s eyes watered in the wind and the hairs of the steed’s mane painfully cut into her face like tiny whiplashes, but her heart swelled with excitement and her blood thrummed in her ears. She let out a whooping laugh when they broke out of the forest and were bathed in the light of a staggering, giant, full moon that smiled down on them.

Suddenly, Cardan’s hand pressed on her right leg and she felt him press his own leg against the steed’s body, stirring it to the right. She imitated his command for the animal, until his hand vanished and returned to its place on her hip. During their wild ride, he repeated this way of guiding the horse a few times, until Jude saw a giant oak tree towering on a hill next to a silvery lake in the distance. They were riding straight towards it.

Jude relaxed her legs around the steed’s body and Cardan did the same, so the animal could decide for itself, which pace it wanted to go at. Jude raised herself upright and let go of the mane, only using her years of training and her immaculate sense of balance to stay atop. Closing her eyes, she let the wind caress her face and hair and spread her arms, smiling a mad grin. Behind her, Cardan laughed softly into her ear.

He brought the horse to a stop next to the oak, but they remained seated. Jude still kept her eyes closed, relishing the wild beat of her heart, the warm, sweaty body of the horse beneath her own very sweaty thighs.

She had needed that ride, she realized. She had needed the wildness and the danger that had come with it - the freedom. She ought to thank Cardan. Because without his invitation, she would probably never had gone out to ride.

Thinking of Cardan made her remember his body still pressed to hers. Jude also noticed his hands had slipped from their position on her hips. One hand was on her bare thigh, his fingers digging into the soft flesh on the inside, dangerously high up on her leg. The other was placed at her ribcage, almost molding itself to the shape of her breast, while this thumb was brazenly settled in the valley between. He had secured her, when she had let go of the mane, but he had taken too many liberties with holding her.

Jude twisted her head around to give him a proper piece of mind about his wandering hands, but she froze the moment she laid eyes on him. His hair was windswept and wild, his forehead glistening with sweat, his pale cheeks for once not smeared with silly gold glitter, but reddened by wind and exertion, the look in his coal eyes as burning and feral as her own, she assumed. For once, he looked happy and wild - and devastatingly handsome.

With shattering clarity, Jude realized she wanted to kiss him. She wanted his lips on hers, wanted back that feeling of danger and dare she’d felt that first time they’d kissed, wanting to drag out the high from the ride. Desire washed over her, quick and lethal like a wave breaking over her head in the surf and ripping her away in its rolling current. Jude took a quick, gasping breath.

Cardan’s eyes burned into hers and his eyes flickered down to her parted lips, a knowing smile blooming on his cruel mouth. His hand lazily brushed over her breast as he moved it higher, causing her to shiver with pleasure, and slowly came to settle on her neck, his thumb pressing into her jaw, tilting her face more towards him.

Jude took a shallow breath. With his hand positioned like this Cardan could choke her if he wanted. She was bossing him around all day, ordering him to do as she pleased. She had forced him into a life he didn’t want, exerting control over him at all times. Right now, he could change it all. In this moment, he had control over her. Only he hadn’t. Because she knew, he wanted her. He wouldn’t dare hurt her. And to lure her out on this ride, he had undeliberately promised her that no harm would come to her tonight.

She gave him a mocking, daunting smile, hoping to spur him into… what exactly, she didn’t know. A kiss? A brawl? Anything to keep her adrenaline rush going. “Do you want to strangle me, your Majesty?”

His face twisted into an ugly mask of hurt and then – much to her chagrin – he released her. She had destroyed the moment. Jude couldn’t help but wonder, if, had she stayed silent, he would’ve kissed her.

Cardan gracefully slid out of the saddle and took up the steed’s reigns, leading it under the tree with Jude still sitting atop. Only now, when they were close enough for her human eyes to make do with the silvery light of the full moon, did she saw what was waiting for them under the tree: a big rug covered the mossy floor, dozens of pillows strewn over it. Silver bowls laden with fruit, platters with blue-veined cheese and venison and bread, chased jugs probably filled with wine and water. A dinner laid out for two.

Jude stared open-mouthed at the feast in front of her eyes: Cardan had taken her out for a fucking picnic.


	2. Chapter 2

“What is this?” Jude asked, frozen in shock.

Cardan shot her a bemused look. “The surprise you have tried to ruin so very hard.”

Jude inhaled deeply and slid off the horse, charging at him in outrage. “Cardan, I have things to do! Running a kingdom, amongst other things.  _Your_  kingdom, if I may remind you. I don’t have time for a damn  _picnic_!”

Cardan pouted and continued walking, leading the steed down to the water’s edge, so it could quench its thirst. Jude followed, hot on his heels. And then he started taking off his clothes.

“What are you doing?” Jude shrieked, avoiding to look too closely when Cardan pulled free of his velvet doublet and carelessly tossed it behind him. He didn’t pause, but took off his black silk shirt, too. Jude only realized she was staring, when she found herself admiring the curve of his shoulder and the shimmer the moonlight cast over his skin. However, she also noticed how he very carefully avoided turning his back fully towards her.  _His scars_ , she remembered. He must not want her to see them.

“I’m taking a swim. I’m all sweaty. You should take one too, there are clothes for you to change into,” he declared while unlacing the front of his breeches.

Jude turned crimson and turned away, leading the horse closer towards the water and taking off the snaffle, so it could graze afterwards if it wanted to. She fixed the snaffle to the saddle and formed a clever, little contraption with the reigns, binding up one of the steed’s legs, so it was left standing on 3 legs. The horse could still move and walk, but it couldn’t run away from them like that. Behind her, Jude heard the telltale splash of water and turned back to see Cardan’s head breaking through the surface of the water. He must've dived in headfirst.

“You joining me? You could use a bath, Jude!”

Jude hissed and he snickered audibly, swimming away from the shore in a few strong, languid strokes.

What had Jude hiss was not only the fact, that Cardan thought it was true, but that it  _was_  true. Their ride had left her sweaty and her stupid mortal body had produced its typical human stink, while Cardan probably still smelled like a lovely flower despite sweating. Annoyed, Jude undid the laces on her dress and shed her clothes, until she was only standing in her mortal underclothes. She didn’t know if Cardan was watching her, his faerie eyes surely were able to make her out in the moonlight - even over the distance - but she wasn’t risking it. Her underclothes stayed on.

Jude dipped her toe into the lake and found the water warm, almost like a bath. Elated, she took a few steps, until the water had risen up all the way to her chest. She lowered herself and then dipped her head backwards, wetting her hair, which had gotten sweaty too. The water was nice and clear and smelled faintly of the herbs she crushed beneath her feet. If she didn’t know any better, Jude would think, she was in a giant bathtub.

Carefully untangling her hair from her messy, windswept updo, Jude leaned back and relaxed, floating around with her eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of weightlessness for a moment. She would have loved to swim out into the lake like Cardan had, but she didn’t know what else dwelled in it, expect for the High King of Elfhame. After all, Faerie was a dangerous place and the loveliest things usually were the deadliest.

She got out before Cardan did, or at least Jude didn’t see him around while she wrung out her hair, and then made her way over to the picnic rug. A bottle-green velvet dress, heavily embroidered with gold thread, lay draped over a pillow, a fluffy towel prepared for her next to it. Thankful, Jude reached for soft cloth and started drying herself off. Pressed flowers and lavender fell from the folds when she shook it out, the fragrance transferring to her skin when she rubbed the towel over her body.

Putting on the dress proved more difficult than she had expected. It was one of those elaborate, complicated contraptions with lacing all up the back, that required a helping hand. As beautiful as it looked, it was impractical. Definitely something that hedonistic good-for-nothing king would choose, thinking mainly in terms of pleasure instead of utility.

Jude snorted in frustration and simply gave up trying to lace up her dress. Instead, she set on the equally hard, but well-practised task of getting out of her soggy bra without taking off the dress. She couldn’t risk flashing her boobs to Cardan. Who knew, where he was currently lurking about. It wouldn’t be beneath him to crouch in a bush nearby, waiting to catch her in a compromising situation. 

Finally pulling off the wet garment, she dropped her panties too and hung both over a low branch of the mighty oak. After a second, she decided to air out the dress she’d worn earlier, too. She’d want to wear it for the ride back. She couldn’t see herself riding in the heavy robe she was currently wearing. And definitely not without panties!

And then Jude flopped down on the picnic blanket, but not without curtsying to the moon, as custom dicated. Despite how vexed she was that Cardan was keeping her from important tasks, the picnic looked nice. As had been the swim in the lake. And the ride.

But, still, Jude couldn't shake her impatience and the worry gnawing at her, especially the longer Cardan stayed away. She couldn't focus on the lovely foods and the rich fabric on her skin. Instead, her mind imagined every threat possible to Cardan and her, escape routes already forming in her head. Not that there were many. It didn’t help her paranoia that Jude couldn't make out Cardan in the lake, and they were terribly exposed on the hill with only the oak serving to shield them from view. At least, the idiot hadn't bothered to have faelights or fireflies put out for them. Possible attackers would’ve been able to spot them from miles away if he had. Typical of Cardan to only think of his pleasure and never of the danger that came with it.

Jude was just contemplating pulling Nightfell closer just in case, when something shuffled and a branch snapped behind her back. She whirled around, pulling out the hidden knife she kept in her boot in a quick, fluid motion - and froze. Cardan had slyfooted up the hill behind her. Naked.

Wonderfully, gloriously wet and naked.

Jude couldn't help but stare at him, knife still poised in defence, trying very hard not to see what was very hard to avoid seeing. And then she turned and tucked her knife away, doing her best not to faint or blush and instead continue breathing.

“Honestly, do you ever relax?” Cardan scoffed behind her. Jude heard the distinct ruffle of clothes and let out a relieved breath. At least, he was getting dressed.

“Do you want to die?” she snapped back. Good, her voice sounded almost normal.

Cardan was quiet for a bit. “No?” It sounded like a question.

“Neither do I, so no, I never relax. I relax, I'm dead. Or you are.”

That's why she kept poisoning herself every night, building up her immunity. That's why she got up earlier and went to bed later than everyone else. That's why she continued taking lessons with the Court of Shadow's. Because if she relaxed for even one bit, her fear would swallow her whole and then she would cower and be afraid and make mistakes. And Jude couldn't afford mistakes. Unfortunately, coming with Cardan on this ride was starting to look like a rather big one.

Cardan stilled behind her. Jude didn't dare turn around in fear certain parts of his body were still not hidden, so she tried to listen for where he was and what he was doing, while her eyes scanned the perimeter around them again. The sound of fabric against fabric told her, Cardan had resumed dressing. She heard him sit down next to her and suddenly, cold fingers brushed over her exposed back.

Jude flinched hard, her fingers rushing to her knife again. “What are you doing?” she hissed.

Cardan cocked his head at her with what she assumed was a mocking smile. “You want me to help you lace up?

“No, thank you!” Jude grumbled and slapped his hand away.

Cardan shook his head and made to kneel behind her. “Jude the Liar,” he said, still smiling, fingering the cords. But it wasn't an amused grin.

 _I smile a lot, when I'm nervous._  He must be nervous, Jude realized. Maybe seeing her naked back had the same effect on him as seeing  _him_  naked had on her. And then Jude noticed the obvious when looking down her front: with the laces undone, the plunging neckline of the dress was plunging deeper still, offering a splendid view of her assets.

Cheeks scarlet, Jude pressed the bodice against her chest, covering herself. She had probably flashed some side boob for him to see, when she had wielded the knife. At least she hoped, it had only been side boob.

Cardan took her silence as leave to do as he had proposed and he began expertly lacing her up. Jude tried not to shiver whenever his fingers brushed her naked skin.

“You are not bad at this,” she commented.

“Lacing up is basically the same as undoing them,” he drawled amused, finishing off and tucking the ends away.

Jude turned around to eye him. “And you have a lot of experience undoing laces, I presume.”

Cardan hateful, coal eyes burned with delight “Jealous?”

Annoyed, Jude realized that she was. She attributed it to the fact that lately, Queen Orlagh had again approached Cardan about choosing Nicasia as his consort. And Nicasia had been around a lot lately. Cardan may have a passing fascination with her mortal self, but Jude was not stupid. Nicasia was a beautiful, immortal faerie princess. And Cardan used to be in love with her. Love weighted heavier than the weird hate-filled something between them that Jude refused to acknowledge. Too good did Jude remember how kind Cardan had been to Nicasia during the night of his coronation, how soft his face had been when speaking to her.

“Jude?”

“Huh?” Blinking, Jude turned back to Cardan.

He was smiling down at her, his hand still on her back. She had completely blanked out.

“Are you jealous, Jude?” Cardan’s nervous smile turned smug.

Jude harrumphed and shrugged his hand off. “You wish!”

Cardan’s face turned dark and he scowled at her, but he neither responded nor denied. Just maybe, he really wished she was jealous?

Jude hastily looked away and pressed a hand against her stomach. The worms were back, wiggling heavily in her gut. This was getting dangerous. She was  _hoping_ that Cardan wanted her to be jealous. And she shouldn’t hope for that.

Clearly annoyed, Cardan reclined on a few pillows, fishing lazily for a jug. He poured himself generously and then held the jug up for Jude. “Wine, my lady?”

Jude shook her head. “At least one of us should stay clear of mind.” Eyeing his goblet that was filled to the brim pointedly, she added, “And since that won’t be you, I take it will be me.”

Cardan shoot her a glare and then made a point of drinking his whole goblet in one drag before helping himself to a refill. “You truly never relax,” he drawled moodily, pointing to the second jug. “There’s water in that one. And before you ask, none of the food is poisoned or laced with faerie fruit. Everything is perfectly harmless for you to eat. I brought salt too, just in case you choose not to believe me.”

With that, he sunk into a deep sulk, not deigning to look at her. Jude didn’t understand what his problem was. She wasn’t complaining, although she had every right to do so. He had more or less abducted her to have a picnic in the middle of the day and now, he wanted to get her drunk? Yeah right!

Jude crawled over to the water jug and poured herself a cup. Just to annoy Cardan, she dipped her little finger in first and tasted the liquid, making sure it really was only water. She felt his burning gaze directed at her, probably shooting daggers, but she ignored him. Jude tested the food with equal caution, unsurprised to find nothing wrong with it. Well, Cardan  _couldn’t_ lie after all.

Stacking her plate full with cheese, fruit and some bread, Jude snuggled back into the pillows and began eating, but not without remaining attentive. Every little sound had her fingers fly to the knife in her boot or Nightfell at her side. After the third time she had almost impaled a passing bird on her sword, Cardan produced an audible snort.

“What?” Jude snapped.

“Relax, would you?” he drawled, taking another long sip of his wine without looking at her.

“Would you stop telling me to relax?” Jude was seething. How dare he tell her to relax, when he was keeping her from important tasks and put even more of a burden on here, coming to this place?

“There are wards around this oak and the lake. Nobody can find this place but me or those that I allow inside,” Cardan merely answered.

Jude's hand paused halfway to she mouth, the slice of cheese she had put on her bread sliding off and landing in her lap.

“Cardan. Why have you brought me here?” she asked, suddenly suspicious. Well, more suspicious that usual. He shot her a venomous look and remained silent, adjusting a pillow behind his back. “Cardan! Why have you brought me here?” Jude repeated, more demanding this time.

“So you would relax!” he cried in frustration, looking embarrassed as hell.

“Oh,” Jude said dumbfounded. He hadn't brought her here for his pleasure, but for  _hers._  “I'm sorry.”

Cardan looked honestly surprised. “Why are you apologizing?”

Why indeed? Because it seemed she was ruining a lovely picnic? Because she hadn't realized that for for once, he had actually tried to do something nice for her? Because she tried her hardest to convince herself, that he was nothing but a spoiled, hateful, lazy prince?

“Because I can't relax,” she whispered meekly.

They stared at each other in silence.

“Can you try?” Cardan asked eventually. There was no taunting or teasing in his tone.

Could she? She might allow herself a breather once in a while. From her responsibilities, her burdens, her constant worries - and her denial of the fact, that she didn’t hate Cardan. Not as much as she’d like.

Jude inhaled deeply and when she exhaled, she let go of all the tension in her body. Her shoulders slumped and suddenly, Jude felt bone-weary. She knew, if she wasn't careful, she'd fall asleep right were she sat.

Cardan gave her a wary smile and offered the wine jug to her, but Jude shook her head. “Better not.”

Surprisingly, Cardan didn't seem offended by her refusal. They resumed eating. Jude still flinched slightly at every little sound, but she kept her hands occupied with her food and her mind off of cooking up potential assassination szenarios and instead on the beautiful landscape around them.

“Why here?” Jude asked after a few minutes. Cardan cocked his head at her in question. “Why did you bring me here to… relax?”

“The view is nice,” he said.

Jude was silent for another minute, watching the moon wander over the silvery surface of the lake. “It is!” she amended.

Cardan’s head whipped around and he stared at her hard, as if he was trying to make out, whether she was lying or not. Jude flashed him a little bemused smile. “I’m not lying. It is beautiful here!”

Cardan nodded and turned his gaze back to the lake, but there was some color high on his cheekbones.  _Had he blushed just now?_

Noticing her staring at him, he squirmed slightly. “What are you doing?” he asked defensively.

“Enjoying the view,” she answered with a grin. Jude was delighted to find, that the color not only remained on his cheeks, but deepend. He  _was_  blushing!

With a content smile, she lay down on the blanket and gazed up to the stars. It was a nice, warm night, and the stars greeted and beckoned them, twinkling and glittering in the deep, delft blue firmament. Feeling silly, Jude waved at them; she imagined them to twinkle extra hard in reply. She let her hand drop and just stared up to the sky. She really was relaxing, she realized astonished. But she still had trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Cardan had done something nice for her. Jude hadn’t taken him for someone, who was thinking much about other people’s needs, let alone hers.

Something cold and wet brushed over her hand and Jude jolted, ripping her hand away and sitting up. But when she inspected what had touched her, she had to stifle a laugh. Cardan’s tail was out, and it was lazily swishing over the rug in the space between them. He must have not properly tucked it in. Or he left it out to dry. The tuft of inky hair at its tip was still wet from the swim.

Alarmed by her sudden movement, Cardan turned to her, clearly annoyed to find her agitated again. “What now? Rebel bands? A magpie that dared come too close?”

“More like your tail coming too close.”

Cardan’s gaze dropped to his additional limb and the tail suddenly swung like a pendulum all the way back to him, draping over his lap. Cardan carefully wrapped a hand around it, holding it in place. He looked very embarrassed.

“Uhm sorry. I can’t always control it.”

“Yeah, I know.” Cardan’s head whipped up to her, alarmed. “I saw your tail before,” Jude admitted with a shrug and a small smile, relaxing back onto the rug again and looking up to the stars. “When we were interrogating you after the assassination? Your tail was out. It kept curling and wiggling like crazy, although you were trying to play it cool.”

Cardan was silent for a few heartbeats, before he asked, “What did you think, when you saw it?”

“It’s good that you keep it hidden,” Jude answered promptly.

This time, the silence stretched on long enough to become uncomfortable and Jude risked turning her head to Cardan. He looked - hurt? But for once, having hurt him didn’t bring her joy.

“Is it that ugly?” he asked in a small voice. His tail hung limp from his hand. He was really sad, she realized.

“No, I mean, it’s good you keep it hidden, because it betrays your emotions too easily. A disadvantage when you’re in a position, where you’d need to bluff or lie - well, as good as you folk can lie. You’d make a poor spy.” She didn’t say, that it also made him a poor ruler.

Cardan looked at her in disbelief and then burst into full-bellied laughter. His tail too perked up and started swishing around, the tuft almost slapping him in the face. “Honestly Jude, do you ever not think about battles and spying and danger?”

Jude furrowed her brow. “No? I can’t afford to!” she replied truthfully.

Cardan kept on laughing and Jude returned her gaze to the night sky. Watching the twinkling lights was easier than watching Cardan’s teeth twinkling as he laughed. The worms from earlier were back, and by now, Jude was sure they weren’t actually worms, but caterpillars, who had gorged themselves on her innards and were now spinning their cocoon, readying themselves to become full-fledged fucking butterflies. There were butterflies in her stomach and Cardan had put them there. Jude never hated herself more that upon this realization.

“So you think, my tail betrays my emotions?” Cardan taunted, still cackling. The tip of his tail brushed against her arm again, the tuft patting the back of her hand, like it was requesting to be held by her. It felt like a big, giant paintbrush.

“Doesn’t it?” Jude asked, slowly flipping her hand over, so her palm was up. The tuft settled into her palm, still patting her. She didn’t think, Cardan noticed.

“What makes you think so?” Cardan asked bemused.

“Well, it seems that as much as you’re trying to stay away from me, your tail just can’t.”

The tuft vanished from Jude’s hand and Cardan’s face appeared over hers, replacing her view of the night sky. His eyes were burning coals, his face a storm of conflicting emotions. He was hovering over her, his hands on either side of her face, fisting the wet strands of her hair.

Cardan stared hard at her, and Jude knew he didn’t mean to, but his tail came up and gently stroked her cheek. It continued down her neck, curled affectionately along her jaw and down, until the tuft rested on her breast, patting her in time with her racing heartbeat - a furry staccato that not only betrayed his emotions, but also her own.

Fear bloomed in her chest; fear of learning a truth she refused to acknowledge.

“Say that you hate me!” Jude blurted out. She needed to hear it. She needed to make herself believe it, so she could continue hating him. “Cardan! You hate me, right? Say it!”

Cardan’s brows drew together, almost touching, but he didn’t say it. Instead, his eyes wandered over her face, her eyes, her round human ears, her lips. The tuft tickled the skin on her cleavage, when it gave a little quiver.

“Cardan, please!” Jude pleaded in desperation, her voice small. “You need to tell me that you hate me!” His gaze was still on her lips. “Please! Say it!”

“I can’t!”

And then he bowed his head to touch his lips to hers and the butterflies in her stomach took flight.

* * *

Jude slid out from the saddle before their steed had even fully stopped walking and took a few hasty steps away from Cardan and the horse, eager to get away. She was confused and her emotions in turmoil.

They had kissed under that oak long enough for Jude to lose track of time and her intention to make him stop. It hadn’t been the same adrenaline-rushed, crazed experiment their first kiss had been, but a slow and intense affair that had left her shaken, raw and feeling entirely too much of what she was so desperately trying to repress. When Cardan had finally detached himself from her, the moon had already hidden away and it was high time they returned to the palace.

Jude had pushed Cardan off her, unhinged to nearly the point of tears, trying to get her emotions under control. She didn’t know whether it was frustration or something else, but whatever emotions were forcing her eyes to tear up, Jude had no interest in searching them. She couldn’t stand looking at Cardan. And most of all, she couldn’t stand herself.

The ride back was spent in strained silence, the two of them too aware of every place their bodies were connecting and where they had been connecting before. 

Now, with her back turned to Cardan, she took a couple of deep breaths, trying to slip back into her usual role, have her face wear its usual mask..

Determinedly, she walked toward the palace, eager to seclude herself in her chambers, but a quiet call rooted her to the spot.

“Jude!”

She bit down hard on her lower lip. Even his voice rattled her now. It was brimming with affection and hurt. Slowly, she turned. Cardan slid from the steed and walked over to her, guiding the dappled stallion along. He came to stand in front of her. “Jude,” he said again, willing her to look at him.

With a big sigh, she raised her head and met his gaze. His face was conflicted, a sad kind of smile playing on his lips. She couldn’t tell, whether he was angry, annoyed or heartbroken.

Jude took a shuddering breath. “I need to go,” she said monotone.

“Jude!” His voice was pleading, as were his eyes. He took another step closer to her, but Jude shook her head and placed a hand on his chest. They couldn’t. Not here. Not where everyone could see them.

“Thank you for the ride, your Majesty!” she said formally.

Hurt flickered in his eyes and Cardan’s face twisted into an ugly sneer. “Your welcome, my lady,” he scoffed and turned to his steed to lead it away.

But already, page boys came scurrying up to them, ready to take over the horse, so the High King needn’t dirty his hands. Seeing the servant’s come up to them, his gaze grew even darker, already sporting his usual, moody sulk. Jude was sure, he’d get into his wineskin the second he set foot into his own chambers. Her fingers flew out of their own accord and caught him by the sleeve.

“Cardan!” He turned back to her, face stormy. “Thank you for the ride. Truthfully. Would you…” Jude swallowed, not able to believe she was doing this, “would you take me out again sometime? For a breather, I mean.”

A slow smile spread on his lips, chasing away the gloom from his face. “Yes. Of course.”

Jude answered his smile with a shy one of her own and then sunk into a deep curtsy in front of the High King. When she raised her head again, he was already walking back to the palace. Equally amused and alarmed, Jude noticed that his tail had stolen away from its hiding place. It was wagging excitedly like a dog’s. To Jude, it looked like it was waving to her.

“He ought to keep that tail hidden,” the Ghost spoke next to her. “Makes it terribly easy to spot his emotions.”

Jude knew better than to flinch, but she couldn’t help feel slightly startled by his sudden appearance. Who knew, how long he had observed them.

“I told him so,” Jude agreed. And then she grinned up to him. “Humor me. What do you think he is he feeling right now?”

The Ghost gave her a searching look and then narrowed his eyes at the departing figure of the High King. “I don’t know what you just said to him, but whatever it was, from the way he keeps wagging that tail, it made him pretty darn happy.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Cardan!”

Jude nudged his shoulder, trying to get his attention. “Cardan, I need to go. It’s getting late!”

Cardan grumbled indignantly and stayed where he was: his face burrowed in the valley of her breasts, kissing the skin that was exposed by her dresses plunging V-cut.

Jude nudged him again a bit more forcefully and, when he didn’t respond, shoved him off her. “Cardan! Stop!”

His disturbingly handsome face distorted into a dark scowl and he tried to fight against her hold. “I don’t want to,” he pouted and snuck a hand under the skirt of her dress, letting it run up the whole length of her leg. Jude shuddered from pleasure when he’d reached her hip, but slapped his arm away.

“I don’t care about what you want. I have places to be,” she declared and gave him a final shove.

Annoyed, Cardan sat back on his heels, shooting her a dark look. His tail, however, reached out for her and patted at her side and arm, asking for her attention. Jude forced down a smile.

This tail of his was just so damn adorable. She would have never thought she’d ever find anything about Cardan that she could describe as _cute_ , but his tail and the blatant affection for her that it spoke off was rather quite cute. Not that she’d ever tell Cardan. Officially, she still hated him.

Jude ran her hand along the smooth, naked expanse of the tail and Cardan shuddered visibly. Bringing it up to her face, she pressed an apologetic kiss to the warm limb. “I need to go,” she repeated. “I have an earlier obligation I can’t miss.”

When she let go of the tail, it molded itself to the shape of her body for a moment, the tuft patting at her neck and tickling her jaw, and then withdrew. With a small smile in Cardan’s direction, she turned and reached for her riding habit for the ride back to the palace. The pretty dress Cardan had chosen for her to wear for today’s picnic wouldn’t survive one minute on the back of a horse. The blush-colored material was so fine, it looked like it would rip like cobwebs when touched. It was also scandalously sheer, barely hiding her body from view and certainly not her erect nipples, that strained against the thin fabric, or the dark color of her areolas or the triangle of hair between her legs that bled through the pale fabric. Not that it mattered. Cardan had seen everything there was to see already.

As she had asked, Cardan had taken her on quite a few _breathers_ throughout the last couple of months, once every week the bare minimum. The two of them were painfully aware of the fact that by now, their breathers mainly served as an excuse to get their hands on each other without having to actually admit that they were craving the other’s touch, but they both desperately clung to the pretense. After all, sneaking away to make out and then blaming it on the magic properties of the lake they were swimming in or the lovely light of the moon was easier than admitting that they might have feelings of lust - or more - for the other.

Jude had even abandoned her stubborn insistence of keeping her mortal undergarments on while swimming. After a month or two, she was so thoroughly acquainted with Cardan’s naked body, it was ridiculous to persist in hiding hers away. It helped that despite his hungry eyes, Cardan never touched her when they took a skinny dip. No, the touching only started after they were clothed again and spend an appropriate time pretending that wasn’t what they were there for in the first place.

Standing, Jude hooked her hand under the straps that held up the dress on her shoulders and slipped them off, the dress pooling around her feet. Standing fully naked in the moonlight, she was about to reach for her underwear, when suddenly, two arms snatched her and pulled her against a warm, naked chest. _When did he get rid of his shirt?_

_“Cardan!”_ she hissed and squirmed in his arms. Not that he hadn’t touched her naked skin before, but so far, he had never touched her, when she was fully undressed.

“Stay!” he pleaded, his breath tickling her neck.

One hand came up to cup her breast and squeeze softly. Jude stifled a moan, desire coiling lazily in her belly like a snake, but then grabbed his wrists and pried his hands off her, stepping out of his hold and turning to him. Cardan’s eyes roamed hungrily over her body, his tail swishing aggressively behind him.

“Three times, Cardan, I really need to go!”

And with than, she bend down and picked up her riding pants, hastily slipping them on. Cardan flopped down onto the ground and sulked like a spoiled little kid. Well, in a way, he was. Jude shook her head and continued dressing.

“I have promised to visit my sister,” she explained while she sectioned off her still wet hair and began braiding it.

“Which one?” Cardan tried to sound uninterested, but his tail perked up and formed a question mark.

She gave him a mocking smile. “Vivi.”

She hadn’t visited Taryn, since she had moved into Locke’s estate to get married. Jude was still angry at Cardan for allowing the marriage to take place. Somehow, she had wished Taryn would see the light of day and leave the sneaky fox, but she should have known better. When it came down to it, Taryn was just as stubborn as she was and equally determined to reach her goal. And when Jude’s goal had been knighthood, hers had been marriage. Not love or even romance, but marriage. To claim a spot in Faerie for herself by binding herself to a husband that could grant her wealth, a nice house and a flock of little faerie children. In a way, Taryn’s goal hadn’t been so different from Jude’s - to finally find a place of their own in this world they had been brought into. Only her means to reach it had been different.

Cardan raised himself from the ground and took her braid in his hands, nudging her fingers away. He continued to braid her hair for her and Jude let him.

“Take me with you!” he suddenly said, after he had tied off the braid.

Jude turned and looked at him. He looked curious, but sincere. “No!”

This fast, the pout was back. “Why not?”

“I can’t risk you seeing where they are staying.” Jude stepped towards their horses - she was allowed to ride her own ever since Cardan had been convinced she wouldn’t escape him - and lead them closer towards Cardan, who still stood sulking on the picnic rug.

“I won’t tell anybody,” Cardan promised. “I won’t rat out my nephew’s hiding spot.”

Jude shook her head and handed him the reigns to his dappled steed. “Cardan, you are horrible at keeping secrets. You crack under the barest hint of a threat. You offered to show me you tail and spill almost all your secrets, just because you thought I’d hurt you, remember?”

“Well, I don’t like pain!” he said in his defense.

“Right. That’s why I can’t show you where Oak is living. Can you promise me that you won’t ever spill the location, when threatened with torture?” she asked, scrutinizing him. She wasn’t trying to be mean, she just wanted to make it clear to him, what was at stake.

Cardan’s scowl told her everything she needed to know. He moodily ripped the reigns from her hands and turned away to mount his horse, not bothering to answer. With a little sigh, Jude got on her own horse. She had thought, a child on the throne would be a disaster, that’s why she had sent Oak away and into hiding. But sometimes, she wondered, if it really made that much of a difference to have Cardan on the throne instead. He could be remarkably childish.

Another problem was, that their deadline of a year and a day was coming up soon. So far, they hadn’t mentioned it much, but Jude was stressing over how she would keep Cardan on the throne longer, so Oak could have an unburdened childhood. Lately, Cardan hadn’t made as many threats about running away or being uncooperative, but Jude attributed this to the fact, that she kept him somehow entertained with their little breathers. Right now, she could provide him with something he wanted - well what they both wanted -  even if she refused to give herself fully to him. That line, she didn’t dare cross yet.

But Cardan was a fickle creature and easily bored. Could kisses shared in the moonlight and midnight swims keep him on the throne for another 6 years? Jude doubted it. She also didn’t want to use their little escapes like that. She genuinely enjoyed their time together and to have someone touch her like Cardan did. And most of all, she enjoyed _Cardan_ touching her. Using his affection for her to reach her goal wasn’t beneath her, but she didn’t want to resort to that.

Cardan refused to talk to Jude, until they had reached the palace of Elfhame, but when they dismounted, he approached her again. “Blindfold me!”

Jude blinked at him and them quickly glanced around them to see, whether anyone could overhear them.

“Excuse me? I’m afraid I don’t understand, your Majesty,” she replied formally, hoping he took the hint. They couldn’t be openly engaging in this conversation. They couldn’t even be informal with each other in public. Who knew, who was listening!

“Blindfold me when you’re visiting O -”

Jude quickly slapped a hand over his mouth to keep Cardan from speaking Oak’s name out loud and forcefully dragged him into the stables. “Have you learned nothing?” she hissed at him. “That’s exactly why I can’t take you with me! You are a liability, Majesty!”

Cardan shot her a hate-filled glare, but kept quiet. Tentatively, Jude removed her hand from his mouth, ready to put it right back there, should he have another slip of tongue.

“Take me with you, when you fulfill your obligation. You may blindfold me or ensure I don’t know the location however you like, but take me with you!” He was pleading.

Suspicion rose in her. Why was he so desperate to come with her when she visited Vivi and Oak? “What is it to you, Cardan? Why do you want to come with me?”

“Can I not meet my nephew?” he asked, angling his head with a little smile. She knew he hated it, when she used his title, so every time she spoke his name at court had him smile involuntarily. As she said had said – a liability.

“Answer the damn question, your _Majesty._ ”

Cardan sighed and tried to pull her close for an embrace, but Jude hindered him with a hand in his chest and a venomous glare. He was getting sloppy lately, touching her whenever he liked, not bothering who saw. She needed to make sure he understood the kissing and cuddling was limited to their breathers, when they were safely hidden away in the warded expanse of land around the lake.

“Oak is my family too,” he glowered.

“So?”

Cardan worked his jaw. She saw that he was holding something back from her. Shaking her head, she stepped away and turned on her heel, making for the palace. She couldn’t risk her sibling’s safety for Cardan’s whims. Madoc’s spies were everywhere. If they knew she’d taken Cardan with her, they would try press him for information. They might not be able to kill the High King because of the curse of the Greenbriar crown, but they could surely hold him captive.

Stomping steps behind her told Jude that Cardan was following her, but Jude didn’t turn around. It was really late in the day, the faint glow of dawn already appearing in the horizon. Jude needed to change quickly and then hurry to the meeting spot she had arranged with Vivi. Not breaking her stride, Jude entered her rooms and opened her closet, rummaging for her mortal clothes. Cardan threw the door shut behind him.

“I want to meet my nephew!” he declared in a hushed voice.

Jude glanced back to him over her shoulder as she took off her jacket and loose tunic she had worn for riding and put on a bra. “And I want you to grow up and behave like a reasonable adult. Alas, we don’t always get what we want!”

She quickly pulled a faded Iron Maiden T-Shirt that Heather had gifted her during her last visit over her head and added a denim jacket. She kept her riding pants on. She had seen mortal woman wear pants that looked similar enough to her skin-tight leather pants. Snatching up her glittery converse high-tops, she sat down on her bed to exchange her boots for them. Annoyed, she realized she’d need to leave her knife behind, as it didn’t fit into her Converse.

She was considering shoving it down her bra between the cups, when Cardan took the knife out of her hands, kneeling before her. His face was clouded.

“Please let me come with you. He is all the family I have left besides Balekin. It’s time I get to know him.” He reached up, as if to cup her face, but then thought better of it. “I want to come with you,” he admitted dejected.

Something really close to guilt was gnawing at her. As messed up as her own family had been, there had been love or at least something close to it. Mutual respect and the wish to protect one another at least. Cardan had never had that. But he might have it with Oak.

Jude exhaled with a heavy sigh. “Cardan…”

His shoulders and head dropped, his whole posture radiating disappointment. “I understand.”

Jude was so surprised, she slipped off the bed and fell on her butt. Annoyed, she rubbed her bruised tailbone and wordlessly took the hand Cardan offered her, sitting up. He looked genuinely sad; Jude hadn’t expected him to be. She had thought his sudden interest in Oak a passing fancy, a boredom-induced brainfart.

And then a thought struck her like lightning. Maybe this was the solution to her problems? If Cardan took a liking to Oak, he might be willing to fill out for him just a bit longer? If they developed a close relationship, a family bond, Cardan might find it in himself to try?

“I’ll leave you to your preparations,” he said glumly and rose to his feet, pulling her along with him. He was about to let go, but Jude gripped his hand harder.

“I will need to blindfold you. I will need to command you to never speak of what you see or hear to anyone but me.”

With every word she spoke, Cardan perked up more, like a thirsty flower that was watered. He nodded along eagerly and then gave her a happy smile, that brought her heart dangerously close to racing. “I can agree to those terms!”

Jude narrowed her eyes at him, still itching to just knock him out and leave him here. But she felt sorry for this lonely, pesky king.

“Don’t make me regret this, Cardan!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *** NSFW ***

She should have known better.

It started out nice enough. Cardan had been docile while she blindfolded and commanded him. He’d glamoured away his ears, washed of his make-up, although he’ been gimlet eyed when he did, and changed into a simple, unadorned, black tunic. He’d still looked slightly out of place, but Jude hadn’t really planned on running into people anyways. They would just go to Vivi’s and Heather’s apartment at the outskirts of the city and hide away inside. And if needed, Jude could’ve always had claimed that Cardan was going for a goth style. He’d let himself be taken to the meeting place with Vivi and had followed Jude’s orders without backtalk for once.

When they reached the apartment Vivi lived in with Heather and Oak, he hadn't asked questions, or tried to look out the windows, or tried to glean information about their location any other way. Instead, he had focused on Oak, actually trying to play with him. Oak had intimidated by Cardan at first, but had quickly overcome his reservation as children did and introduced himself to the gloomy, sulking man that was his uncle.

They had raced around the flat, Oak sharing his candy with Cardan, and they had both stared wide-eyed with wonder at the TV, watching some children’s program, while Vivi and Jude had been observing them closely, shell-shocked to find the High King of Faerie sitting on a couch in Vivi’s living room, screaming at a rerun of Power Rangers and angrily shaking his fist at the TV in a perfect imitation of Oak. Jude thanked every deity she could think of, that Heather had been conveniently away.

But then Cardan had grown sulky when Oak clambered in Jude’s lap and playfully bit her neck like the wicked child that he was. He had started glowering, when Oak told Jude he missed her and loved her very much. She had been practically fuming, when Jude told Oak, she loved him too. But he’d blown a fuse, when Oak declared, he would marry Jude one day and Jude jokingly agreed to be his bride.

Cardan had grabbed Jude’s hand and hauled her up from the couch. Oak had tumbled from her lap and only Jude’s good reflexes had saved him from falling onto the ground and possibly bashing his head in. Cardan had declared a shocked and crying Oak that he couldn’t marry Jude, because he would never allow it, and had then proceeded to drag a kicking and seething Jude out of the apartment and back to Faerie.

“What the hell is your problem Cardan!” Jude hissed while he pulled her through the hallways of the palace.

They were lucky it was the middle of the night in Faerie, which meant the middle of the day in the mortal world, so there were less servants around to witness the embarrassing scene. The few servants that crossed their way in the hallway hastily made their retreat when they saw the High King and his seneschal openly fighting. Both Jude’s and Cardan’s temper was well known and their fights legendary, even when they tried to have them in places where they weren’t usually overheard.

“You hurt him! That’s why I didn’t want to take you!”

“Oh, you sure about _that’s_ why you didn’t want to take me? Not because you didn’t want me to witness that marriage promise?” Cardan snarled, shoving her through the doors of his chambers.

Jude was so surprised at his words, she stumbled over her own feet and almost fell. Cardan threw the doors shut with enough force that dust fluttered down from the top of the carved door frame. She caught herself on one column of his four-poster bed and turned to the High King with wide eyes.

“Cardan, what are you talking about?” she whispered flatly.

“He declared his intentions towards you!” Cardan yelled. Jude flinched over the volume of his voice. She dearly hoped their earlier stampede through the palace had scared enough servants away so that nobody was close enough to have overheard that.

“That was nothing!” she played down Oak’s playful proposal, waving her hand in dismissal. ”He is a child. Children say stuff like that all the time to their parents or siblings. He wasn’t being serious!”

“AND YOU PROMISED TO MARRY HIM!”

Jude had Cardan pinned against the wall in a matter of seconds, her forearm pressed into his throat, cutting of his air, lest he started screaming again. “Are you out of you damn mind?” she asked with lethal calm.

She was slipping into fighting mode. If she needed to take Cardan out to get him to calm down, she would. Cardan’s face turned an unhealthy shade of red and Jude reduced the pressure on his windpipe, but only enough for him to be able to breath.

“You can’t go around shouting about this. Someone is bound to overhear and then people will start weird rumors,” Jude reprimanded him sternly.

“You promised to marry him,” Cardan sputtered, his eyes burning feverishly. He was eyeing a spot on her neck wildly. The spot that Oak had bitten, she realized. She had never seen him this unhinged, his emotions running wild. He couldn’t be serious, could he?

“Did you forget I’m a liar? My promise is worth nothing!” she scoffed.

It was the wrong thing to say. Cardan’s eyes shuttered and his face abruptly grew impassive, like he was withdrawing into himself. And then a cruel, hateful smile twisted his face into an ugly mask of hate and scorn. “Right. Jude the Liar. How silly of me to forget.”

His hand came up, gripping her wrist painfully and forcing her arm down. She tried to hold him with her other hand, but he blocked her with his elbow. He was a sorry fighter, but he was a fighter - he knew the basics. Making good use of his superior faerie reflexes, he had her wrists pinned behind her back after a minute of wrestling, forcing her to look up into his face.

“I should have known. You promised me, I’d walk free after I crowned your brother. You lied to me then. What other lies have you fed me?” he asked, his voice acidic.

Red hot shame spiked through Jude. She wasn't proud of what she had needed to do to ensure Oak’s safety, but if she was presented with the same choice again, she wouldn't hesitate to do exactly as she had done. Jude tried to struggle against Cardan's hold, but he was too strong.

“Was this your plan all along? Marry your brother when he came back to take the crown, becoming his Queen?” Cardan's eyes were pools of bottomless hate. “And to ensure I would keep his throne warm for him, you would seduce me? Keep me occupied? Warm my bed?”

Mortification stained Jude's cheeks and turned her stomach sour. “I never intended to seduce you. You started this, taking me away for your _breathers. You_ approached _me!”_ she seethed.

Their faces were close enough to kiss, but Jude didn't care about kissing him right now. She wanted to bite him, rip out his hateful eyes with her fingers, strangle him.

Red spots appeared on Cardan's cheek and neck. “So you don't deny it?”

“You're ridiculous. How many times do I have to tell you? He is my _brother_. Nothing is farther from my mind than marrying him. The thought alone is disgusting! He. Is. A. Child!”

Cardan searched her face hard. “I can't tell, whether or not you are lying.”

Jude blew out a frustrated breath. “What does it matter to you anyways? You don't even want to be king. A year and a day and not a minute longer, right?”

Cardan studied her in silence, his jaw clenched. “What if I give you longer than that? That's what you want, right? For me to stay until your brother is ready and then get rid of me.”

Jude's breath caught in her throat. What was he saying?

“What, if I stayed on the throne and made you my Queen? You want power? I can give you power. What does it matter for your brother, if he waits 7 or 70 years for the crown? He is an immortal. You are not. You can remain Queen for the rest of your life. And when you perish, your brother may have his throne. I couldn't care less about it.”

Jude was sure her ears had failed her, because she couldn't’ have heard right just now, could she? Did Cardan just offer to make her his consort?

“But you don't want to be king. You hate it!” she stammered helplessly.

“I don't hate it as much as I thought I would. Not with you actually doing the work. And you love it, don't you? The power that comes with it!” Cardan's smile was cold as ice, sharp as a blade.

Jude couldn't deny it. She loved being in control, to have nobody telling her what to do, having power over her own life for once. Cardan saw the answer in her face and his smile deepened.

“I can give that to you, Jude.” Cardan bend down and brushed his lips over her jaw. “You only have to promise you'll become mine!”

With her arms pinned behind her back, she couldn't use her hands, so Jude used her foot. Hooking it behind Cardan's ankle, she kicked out his foot beneath him, upending his balance. It was enough for her to twist her wrists free and shove him away, creating some space between them.

“I belong to nobody but myself,” she snarled, crouching into a fighting stance. She had no qualms about knocking him out cold and ending this ridiculous fight right now.

Cardan had already caught himself, but the smile had vanished from his lips. His face was filled with rage. “I won't let him have you, Jude! I won't let anyone have you, that I'll prom-”

With a startled cry, Jude rushed forward and slapped her hands over his mouth. “Don't promise that. You can't promise that!” she cried in horror.

Cardan's eyes bored into hers. And it was sick and twisted to feel like that, but Jude's heart started beating wildly. She understood then. He was jealous, truly jealous, because a child had asked her to marry him.

“Cardan. You can't be jealous over my brother! He's a child! He didn’t mean what he said!”

But the way his eyes shone in silent rage told her, he was. That Oak was a child or her brother didn't matter to him. He was way beyond jealous. A cold shudder trickled down Jude’s spine. The way Cardan looked at her, the blind, insane fury in his gaze, reminded her too much of that way Madoc had looked like when he had murdered his infidel wife and her new husband in front of their children’s eyes. He was dangerous. He would do horrible things just to get what he wanted.

Terrified, she took her trembling hands from his lips and took a step back. She couldn't have Cardan feel like this. He had been bad enough as a spoiled, unimportant prince. Now he was High King and it was her doing.

Jude took another step back, but Cardan followed, grabbing her shoulders, his fingers digging painfully into her flesh, bringing his face close to hers. “I don’t care if he’s a child now. He won’t be forever! And he made you a promise of marriage! Do I have to sit there and take it, when the woman I lo -”

Jude crushed her lips to his, effectively gagging him. She didn’t want to hear him say it. She didn’t care about his feelings. How _dare_ he be jealous! Jude was so angry at him! She _hated_ him! She was also terrified of him and the direction their conversation had taken. Of what he would do to her. Of the things he wanted from her.

But whatever he wanted to do to her, she would do worse. She had long promised that to herself.

They scratched and bit and savagely pulled at each other’s hair, trying to hurt the other as much as they hurt them, while they took what they wanted from the other. Their clothes were not taken but ripped off, their roaming hands not gentle, but brutally marking the other’s skin, making sure everyone would see where they’d touched. Cardan was wild, unapologetic, fueled by his strange, dark desire, and Jude responded in like, leaving bruising bite marks and love bites all over his body, scratching him until red welts appeared on his alabaster skin.

He knocked her into the wall; Jude knocked him against his table in return. Furniture was toppled, vases were shattered. They paused kissing for Jude to snatch up some books from the bookcase and hurl it at Cardan’s head; he returned the favor by grabbing her braid and forcefully tilting back her head, so he could slant his hungry mouth back over hers.

Somehow, they ended up on Cardan’s bed, Jude underneath him, both naked and without any clothes serving as barrier between them. She struggled and squirmed, trying to gain the upper hand, but Cardan pinned her body with his and forcefully spread her knees apart. And then he finally entered her in a single, hard thrust.

He only noticed the barrier when he had already broken through and Jude inhaled sharply when she felt a sudden, stinging pain. Her eyes teared up involuntarily and she roughly wiped away at the tears that had begun falling, eager to continue, but Cardan had stilled and gone rigid. And then, he slowly lifted his head from where it had been resting in the crook of her neck, his eyes swimming with remorse.

“Jude. I’m so sorry!” he whispered thickly. “I didn’t know. I mean… I was so sure you and Locke...”

“It doesn’t matter. Go on!” she snarled, clutching his shoulders and digging her nails into his skin, desperate to bring back their earlier hate-driven passion.

But Cardan shook his head and then cupped her face, suddenly looking at her with a tenderness that frightened her. He bent down and gave her a heartbreakingly soft kiss. “I’m sorry. I would’ve been gentler if I’d known.”

Jude’s throat threatened to squeeze shut. She didn’t want gentle. She didn’t want him to be like this. She wanted him to be forceful, to hurt her, so she had every excuse to continue lying to herself. To continue to claim, that she hated him and that he hated her. She wanted him to fuck her, not make love to her.

“Cardan, please!” she choked out, horrified to find new tears spilling from her eyes. _Please don’t be nice to me._

He mistook her plea, not understanding what she had intended with it, again pressing his lips to hers in that sweet, affectionate way that made her heart ache, his thumb brushing away her tears as they kissed. Jude sobbed through their kiss, unable to contain her frustration over the realization that deep down, in a hidden corner of her heart, she had actually _longed_ to be like this with him, to have him hold her gently in his arms and kiss her sweetly. For him to be kind with her.

Carefully, Cardan began kissing away her tears and then peppered small, sweet kisses all over her face: her cheeks, her eyes, her brows, the tip of her nose, the corners of her mouth. He did this for what seemed forever, only stopping to kiss away more of the tears that were sliding down her face.

“Jude,” he whispered in between kisses, “Jude.” She had never heard him say her name like this: with longing and reverence. Was that how he had intended to sound when he had written her name over and over on that scrap of paper?

Slowly, Cardan began moving inside of her, small movements that she would’ve barely noticed, if it wasn’t for the slight pain they caused.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt too much?” he asked when a tiny whimper escaped her. His voice was laced with concern.

Jude hated him for it. Why couldn’t he just have continued their pretense? Why was he suddenly so caring and tender, when they had just bitten and scratched and hated each other just minutes ago?

“I’m good. Don’t stop,” she ordered, turning her face away, so she didn’t have to see the worried look he wore.

But Cardan stopped moving and placed a finger on her chin, forcing her to look at him again. “Jude, please look at me.”

She did and she way he looked at her, his dark gaze soft, filled with affection and caring, made her tear up again. She had to close her eyes.

“Cardan, please.” She didn’t even know what she was begging for anymore.

His lips came down on hers and Jude desperately buried her fingers in his soft, raven hair as he began moving again, losing herself in the touch of his lips and tongue, the feeling of him moving inside of her, trying her best to ignore how painfully sweet his kisses were, how achingly gentle and reverent his touch. He was making love to her and it was breaking her very fragile heart, whose existence she had tried to hide for all her life.

Cardan started out slow and careful, but with every thrust, he pulled back a bit further, seeing if she could take it. When she impatiently grabbed his hips and urged him on, Cardan produced a little silvery laugh full of joy that had her breath catch in her throat, and then he finally started for real.

The feeling was so much, Jude couldn’t help it. She threw back her head and moaned.

“Gods, Jude,” Cardan whispered against her throat and lapped up a bead of sweat that had formed there. He hiked her leg higher on his hips and thrust deeper, making her moan again.

Soon, they were both heavily panting and sweating, Jude meeting every one of Cardan’s thrust with a roll of her hips against his, a primal rhythm that seemed inherent to her body. Cardan kept whispering her name over and over and Jude wished he’d stop, because it made her want to do the same. So she pulled his face to hers and kissed him to make him shut up. Cardan returned her kisses fervently. His hand slid down her body, squeezing one breast affectionately on its way down, and eventually ended up at the place where they were joined.

Before Jude could even wonder about what he was planning to do, his thumb pressed down on the swollen bundle of nerves that sat there and Jude moaned loudly into Cardan’s mouth. The feeling was sublime. It wasn’t like she didn’t touch herself from time to time, but having Cardan touch her, while he was thrusting into her at the same time, was almost too much to take.

“Come for me Jude,” Cardan whispered in a husky voice, sweaty strands of hair sticking to his temple. “I want to see you come!”

Jude gasped for air, intending to tell him to never command her, not even for this, but Cardan pressed harder down on her clit and instead, a breathy moan escaped her, and she did the once thing she had been trying not to -  she moaned his name. “Cardan!”

A beatific smile spread on his lips, Cardan’s coal eyes glimmered with satisfaction. “That’s it, Jude.”

And then he picked up his pace, ploughing into her mercilessly while still massaging her nub and Jude could do nothing but cry out in pleasure and scream his name over and over until she came with staggering force, trembling and clenching around him. Cardan followed her after a couple of more thrusts, slamming in to the hilt and spilling himself inside of her, whispering her name in frantic desperation over and over again, his face pressed against her neck.

“Jude, my Jude!”

She liked the sound of that, but she didn’t like, how it made her feel: chest squeezing tight and a warm, fuzzy feeling spreading from her heart all over her body. But she also didn’t want Cardan to stop. So she reached up and cradled his head, dropping a kiss to the top of his head.

She knew, as soon as she had calmed down enough for her mind to start working again, she would regret this. She would make herself believe, she didn’t want this and hate Cardan for bringing her this far.

But for now, she would allow herself the plain and simple truth: she was in love with the impossible High King of Faerie, and he was likely in love with her.


End file.
